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About Varied / Hobbyist HimekoFemale/United States Group :iconnomoreporn: nomoreporn
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Deviant for 5 Years
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Statistics 444 Deviations 10,099 Comments 13,529 Pageviews

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I've known for a long time that i had problems. I know what they are called.
I'm a body dysmorphic and a major depressive. Ever since I was a little kid I thought I was fat. I envied the girls around me. All slim and pretty. I always hated my body. I still hate it.
I want to be flat all over. No curves. No boobs. Nothing. I want to be, like, unhealthily skinny. I feel sick. I may as well look it.
I forget to eat a lot at school. I drink a lot of tea to fill meals I forget. I figure if I wait out the food service hours I can convince myself to wait.
I have so many problems I can't believe I've not started puking yet. I tried the one time and I just scratched the hell out of my soft pallet. I blame no one.
I just want to be happy.
I can't even be happy in my own body. How am i supposed to be happy with other people in my life when i hate myself so much. I am desperate to be propped up by others telling me I'm pretty.
Nothing anyone says really makes a difference though. Every time someone says I'm pretty I just roll my eyes, but inside I'm somewhat relieved. Just a bit.
I just wish I could die and be remade by the cosmos as something better. Maybe a flower or a bug. Something that doesn't need to be classified as beautiful, but in the eyes of others will always be so beautiful.
Maybe my life has only really had meaning on a beauty standard. I hate my mind for being so sharp. If I was dumber then nothing would matter.
Smart and pretty is awful. You're always aware of the flaws and desire transformation. You always want to fix it, but it's hopeless.
Everything is hopeless.
  • Mood: Shame
  • Listening to: voices
  • Reading: Silence of the Lambs
  • Watching: The Man from U.N.C.L.E.
  • Playing: the system
  • Eating: am i?
  • Drinking: water


KungFuHime2009's Profile Picture
Artist | Hobbyist | Varied
United States
Part time cosplayer. Full time Lolita.
(IRL I'm a student for Mechanical Engineering)

Working on my degree so I can get a job in Imagineering and film effects construction. Because of how demanding this degree is I am slowing down on the cosplay stuff for now, but I promise to get back with it in the future.

Also working on some writing projects and a few awesome things with good friend :iconrootface: at Baaaalitists Studios. Look us up, not much there right now but there will be in the near future, God permitting.

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LetsFlyTWA Featured By Owner May 23, 2015  Student Digital Artist
Thanks for the llama
LetsFlyTWA Featured By Owner May 17, 2015  Student Digital Artist
Happy early birthday 
SoraPaopu Featured By Owner Apr 28, 2015   Artisan Crafter
Thank you so much for the watch! La la la la I am a dummy! :happybounce: 
KungFuHime2009 Featured By Owner Apr 28, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
No prob! You're my fav Sora cosplayer!
SoraPaopu Featured By Owner Apr 29, 2015   Artisan Crafter
OMG!!!!! Really???!!!!
Thank you so much!
You made my day!!!!
La la la la Love :happybounce: Hug Meow :3 
KungFuHime2009 Featured By Owner Apr 29, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
You deserve it! You're welcome!
(1 Reply)
QuiZa11 Featured By Owner Aug 14, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Thanks for the donation point^^
KungFuHime2009 Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
pain-art Featured By Owner Jul 24, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
thanks for the watch!
KungFuHime2009 Featured By Owner Jul 24, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
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