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About Varied / Hobbyist HimekoFemale/United States Group :iconnomoreporn: nomoreporn
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And it's called, my mind.
Emilie Autumn says is best when she says "She speaks in the third person so she can forget that she's me."
I'm positive that normal people aren't miserable when living their dreams. Of courses my dreams are actually based on the memories of when I actually had dreams. I haven't had dreams or hopes since I was 9 ears old.
When you face your worst fears and come out hollowed and broken you lose the ability to be happy for no reason. You lose the ability to dream. It's like you walked a mile through tar and came out covered in it. Like it's in your lungs forever and you had to eat it to survive. Like you are only black bile and nothing else now.
I can't feel a damn thing and it sickens me. Makes me feel like I'm not even human anymore. I can't feel anything. When something terrible happens I feel a stab of pain. When something wonderful happens I feel nothing. I pretend to be happy. That's it. I pretend. I'm a fantastic pretender.
Mischief and pain are all I know. Echoes of happiness are few and far between. A breif flame that is swallowed up by the bile. I'm stained. I don't let people close because all I do is spread my stain. My darkness just makes other people suffer.
I'm a carrier of disease and sadness.
I wish i wasn't aware of how much I hate myself. I wish I didn't care about the fact that I don't care about anything or anyone.
I'm so goddamn weak. I beg for pain and punishment for all my misdeeds. I beg God that one day I'll just be hit by a car or pushed off a cliff. Anything to make it all stop. I'm alone and I can't bare it.
I'll be alone for the rest of my life and I hate it so much. I hate how much I want to be loved. I hate how badly i need people to live. I just want to be shot in the head. I want to be buried. I want to die.
I just want it to stop.
  • Mood: Hostile
  • Listening to: The Pretty Reckless
  • Reading: The Scorch Trials
  • Watching: RWBY/Penny Dreadful
  • Eating: Why do I even bother eating?
  • Drinking: tea

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KungFuHime2009
Himeko
Artist | Hobbyist | Varied
United States
Part time cosplayer. Full time Lolita.
(IRL I'm a student for Mechanical Engineering)

Working on my degree so I can get a job in Imagineering and film effects construction. Because of how demanding this degree is I am slowing down on the cosplay stuff for now, but I promise to get back with it in the future.
baaaalisticstudios.tumblr.com/

Also working on some writing projects and a few awesome things with good friend :iconrootface: at Baaaalitists Studios. Look us up, not much there right now but there will be in the near future, God permitting.
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:icondark-momento-mori:
Dark-Momento-Mori Featured By Owner Oct 29, 2015  Professional Digital Artist
Thanks for the favs :iconrubcheeksplz:
Reply
:iconkungfuhime2009:
KungFuHime2009 Featured By Owner Oct 29, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
No problem!
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:iconletsflytwa:
LetsFlyTWA Featured By Owner May 23, 2015  Student Digital Artist
Thanks for the llama
Reply
:iconletsflytwa:
LetsFlyTWA Featured By Owner May 17, 2015  Student Digital Artist
Happy early birthday 
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:iconsorapaopu:
SoraPaopu Featured By Owner Apr 28, 2015   Artisan Crafter
Thank you so much for the watch! La la la la I am a dummy! :happybounce: 
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:iconkungfuhime2009:
KungFuHime2009 Featured By Owner Apr 28, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
No prob! You're my fav Sora cosplayer!
Reply
:iconsorapaopu:
SoraPaopu Featured By Owner Apr 29, 2015   Artisan Crafter
OMG!!!!! Really???!!!!
Thank you so much!
You made my day!!!!
La la la la Love :happybounce: Hug Meow :3 
Reply
:iconkungfuhime2009:
KungFuHime2009 Featured By Owner Apr 29, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
You deserve it! You're welcome!
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(1 Reply)
:iconquiza11:
QuiZa11 Featured By Owner Aug 14, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Thanks for the donation point^^
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:iconkungfuhime2009:
KungFuHime2009 Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
np
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